about me · life advice · Uncategorized

I Am Changed

I feel like the last time I made post on here I was so fake and not real. I wasn’t telling you guys the truth and I wasn’t letting myself accept the truth. You all had no idea what was going on with me, and in turn I didn’t want to come on here. But today I will squash this wall I’ve made with all of you, and tell you what was really happening.

When I started this blog and began writing, I had a boyfriend. I had been with him since I was 17, a senior in high school. We went to prom together, he was in the audience during my graduation. He was the first guy I said “I love you” to. I lost my virginity to him, we had a pregnancy scare, and we spent as much time as we could together. He was there for me during my first year of university. During the times I didn’t think I could make it he kept pushing me to keep going.

He was the first guy I wanted to spend my life with, he and I talked about moving in together and getting married and having kids and this was all before we hit a year together. Then a year passed by, and he fell more madly in love with me. And I fell into a fear of spending my life with the same person. The truth is, after a year of being together I was no longer in love with him. It was hard to admit to myself, but the signs were all there.

I didn’t want to see him anymore. I tried to get scheduled to work on weekends so I didn’t have to see him. When he kissed me, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want him to hold my hand. When we would have sex, I found myself of trying to imagine having sex with someone else to get me to actually enjoy the sex. I didn’t love him anymore, but I didn’t want to be alone.

I started to freak out of the idea of not having a boyfriend. I had grown so used to the routine I couldn’t picture my life without having someone to talk to everyday. That was another problem I found myself in; he was the only person I talked to. I didn’t go out with friends anymore. I didn’t text friends anymore. He didn’t like the idea of me being friends with people- with guys especially. He wanted me all to himself, and I felt lonely in the relationship.

I would tell him I feel so alone, and he would be so upset that I felt that way. But I was alone, I was alone and single while not being single. And when I realized that it made it so much easier to accept the fact that I wanted to be single. So for the next several months I distanced myself from him and became my own person. In my head I was single, I wasn’t tied to someone anymore. I got over the fear I had over him and stood up for myself. I got into arguments and got mad and hoped he would see I was just so fucking over him.

I was over him before I left him. I was feeling confident again, I was liking the attention other MEN gave me. I capitalize men because I wanted a man. I didn’t want someone who made me make every decision for him. I wanted a grown man who had their shit together and knew what they wanted. I was tired of acting like the mother that he had; I didn’t want to take care of him anymore.

No, I didn’t cheat on him, but believe me I really wanted to. Was that selfish of me? Sure maybe I don’t know and I don’t care. I wanted to be loved by someone who didn’t see me as the person who could fix everything. I wanted someone to see me as me, not all the things I could do for them.

I couldn’t take it anymore, this whole acting single when I technically wasn’t. So a couple of weeks ago I finally sat him down and I told him I wanted out. That I didn’t love him anymore and that I wanted to break up. It was plain, clear, and simple. I cried that night, not because I would miss him, but because I should have done it sooner. I put myself through hell over a simple fear of not having someone by my side to talk to.

I am now changed, I am happier and confident and excited to live my life. My attitude is much better, and I’m excited to see what the universe throws at me. This is the new me, this is who I am. Things only get better from here.

eyeliner · first impressions · makeup · makeup advice · makeup basics · product review · wet n wild

Eyeliner Review: Wet n Wild Megaliner

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Hello guys! Recently my eyeliner has been the worst. That’s because all my eyeliner has dried out on me (yes even the Physicians Formula one) which means that I had to throw it out. So I’d been searching for a new eyeliner, when a friend of mine told me to try out the Wet n Wild Megaliner liquid liner. I had heard about this liner, but for some reason I was a bit skeptical about whether or not this would actually work for me since I haven’t been using a liquid eyeliner.

But considering that this eyeliner was only $3, I decided to give it a shot and try it out. And I must say you guys, this eyeliner is absolutely amazing!

When you open the bottle, you see the super fine tip that really helps make a sharp wing. s-l225.jpg

And let me tell you guys, my liner hasn’t been this sharp for a really long time. The formula dries matte, which is a plus for me and the handle itself is actually really comfortable to use and glide the tip on your eyelid.  This is an eyeliner that really helps you practice your wing eyeliner.

Wing eyeliner is difficult, but this eyeliner this is really good at helping you because the tip is so fine and sharp that it helps you create the shape.

Overall I am really happy with the outcome of this eyeliner, and let’s hope that this doesn’t dry out on me.

This is my eyeliner game now:

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Hope you guys enjoyed this little review! Let me know if you guys want me to do a post about how I do my eyeliner!

Love you all!!

foundation · makeup · makeup advice · makeup basics

How to match foundation

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So, you’re standing there in the makeup section and you see all the different shades and all the different words on the bottles and you’re freaking out because you have no idea what any of this means.

If you’ve felt this way before, guess what so have I! I’ve gone through so many foundations until I found my perfect match. Today I want to give you guys tips and tricks when it comes to matching your foundation. Don’t worry if you don’t get it right at the first time, no one ever gets it right trust me. Hope you guys enjoy!

 

1. KNOW YOUR SKIN!!!

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Knowing your skin is the first step before getting foundation. It’s important to know your skin because certain foundations are meant for certain skin. The diagram above shows you the different types of skin. Foundations are made to fit certain skin types. If a foundation has the words “dewy finish”, it is made for people with dry skin to make their face look moisturize. If a foundation has the words “matte finish”, it is mad for people with oily skin so that way the skin doesn’t have build of oil peaking through the foundation. If your skin gets irritated easy, look up brands that are made for sensitive skin and start from there.

By knowing your skin, you have a better understanding of what foundation you need and help your search!

2. MATCHING YOUR COLOR- A NIGHTMARE

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This is the nightmare of finding your right shade. You see the fails on the internet, the person looking way lighter or way darker than their actual body. So what’s the secret? How do you get the perfect shade? Well the answer to that is there isn’t a way to find the perfect shade. You can never get it right the first time, and different brands have different shades. I

I used to test out foundations on the back of my hand. I figured that if  it matched my hand then it would blend into my skin. The only problem was my face is dark than my chest, so the foundation would come out too dark. So I tried to blend it with my wrist, but then it made my face too light.

This is what I learned: match it to your neck or your actual face. That way you have a better understanding of your shade. Blending it to your neck helps show whether it will blend well to your neck and look more natural. Blending it to your face, well its obviously to make sure it’s actually your color.

Lighting is really important too. You want to get as much natural lighting as possible when you match foundation to your face. In store lighting doesn’t help, it can drown out the color of your skin. I always suggest to take a picture with flash, the flash could help see if the color is a match.

Keep in mind you skin also has under tones! Make sure you know your under tone before hand so that way when you’re looking for shades, you avoid colors that might bring out your undertone.

3. KNOWING WHAT’S A GOOD FOUNDATION! DRUGSTORE VS HIGH END

There’s a myth that the higher the price, the higher the quality. Believe it or not that’s not always true. I don’t use high end foundations because I’ve never felt the need to. When you’re searching for foundation, start off with drugstore foundation. You don’t want to spend $40 on a foundation that may not even work for you. Start off with foundation that doesn’t cost much and then work your way up.

There’s so many foundation at the drugstore, I suggest reading reviews and watching youtube tutorials. I tend to find that the more reviews, the better. Foundation is like love, just go with your gut. Go in committed, and ready to slay everyone with your flawless skin. Don’t feel pressured to by an expensive one because every beauty guru has it. Your skin is different than theirs and the foundation may not even work for you. Good foundation is subjective, what might work for you won’t work for someone else.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post and helped you all feel more confident and ready to try out any foundation. Leave a comment down below what you’re favorite foundation is and anything else you’d like to see on the blog.

Good luck!

 

eyelashes · eyeliner · eyeshadow · eyeshadow palette · first impressions · makeup · makeup basics · mascara · product review

Influenster Box: Maybelline 24k Palette

*The products I will be reviewing were sent to me for free/complimentary for the purpose of testing them out and giving my honest review.*

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Hello guys! I recently got my box from Influenster where I was sent Maybelline products for free to try out and give my honest opinion. I thought it was be cool to give you guys a review on these products and hopefully help you guys on your makeup journey. Hope you guys enjoy this post!

 

1. The 24K Nudes Palette: 2.5/ 5

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At first, I thought this palette looked absolutely beautiful. The shimmer shadows looked so vibrant and I really thought the palette would be really great for glam looks. Unfortunately when I swatched the colors, they were really chalky and many lacked pigmentation. The shimmer shadows had so much fallout and some of the colors didn’t even show up on my eyelids. The problem with this palette is the fact that there isn’t good transition matte shades. I’m not a fan of using shimmer shadows to blend out my eyeshadow, I find it to look messy and clumpy. The majority of the shadows were shimmer ones so I felt I couldn’t really do much. This palette wasn’t good at all, I think palette should have a balance between mattes and shimmers, but this palette just didn’t cut if for me. I have palettes that come with more shadows and the shimmer shadows are way better than this, and also way bigger. This just didn’t do it for me, so I don’t think I’ll be using this at all.
2. Maybelline The Falsies Push Up Angel: 2/ 5
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When I first opened this mascara, the wand scared the crap out of me. I have never seen a wand so thin and so just scary looking. I don’t like how it makes my eyelashes look. When I put it on it makes my eyelashes look so thin and just so spidery it’s a nightmare for me.  It does however make them really long, so that’s a plus, but I have my Reema volumizing mascara that makes my eyelashes look longer and thicker so I don’t need the Falsie Push Up. I wasn’t impressed at all with this mascara, it feel irritating on the eyes so I immediately washed it off before it hurt my eyes. Again, I didn’t like it, so I won’t be using this at all.
3. Maybelline Lasting Drama Waterproof Gel Pencil: 5/ 5
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I don’t use pencil eyeliner at all, but when I tried this one out I was really surprised to find out how good this worked. This glides on super smoothly and it’s a nice jet black. I used this on one of my friends and I blended in to give it a smokey effect and it looked super nice. I don’t tight line my eyes but I tried it out with this eyeliner and I really liked how it was super easy to apply on my waterline and it wasn’t irritating at all! If you like pencil eyeliner you will love this eyeliner. I will definitely be experimenting with this eyeliner more.
I hope this post was helpful for you guys! Let me know in the comments what product I should review next. Talk to you guys soon ❤
aliexpress · eyeshadow · eyeshadow palette · first impressions · makeup · makeup basics · product review

Aliexpress buy: Violet Voss x Laura Lee Palette

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Hey guys! Today I’m here to give you all my first ever Aliexpress review!!!I just got this beauty in the mail recently and after playing around with it I can finally give you guys my overall review of this product.

Before I begin with this review, I just want to say that Aliexpress in the holy grail for knock off makeup. I know people work really hard to design their own palettes and I respect that, BUT I don’t have the money to pay for that. Let’s be real not a lot of people have a lot money to be able to buy expensive makeup. I think makeup and beauty is inclusive, not exclusive. I used to feel discouraged to do makeup because I didn’t have all the expensive makeup. I think websites like Aliexpress are a really good platform for people starting off with makeup or people who are on a budget.

When you are looking to buy stuff from Aliexpress, I say look for Facebook groups. I’m in a Facebook group and we share links and products we bought from Aliexpress, Ebay, Amazon, etc. If you would like to join just let me know through my social media and I will give you the link.

Aliexpress also requires patience. These products are coming from all over the world so it’ll take a while for whatever you buy to get to your house. Most vendors are really open to communicate with buyers, so if you have any questions also contact the vendor.

Okay enough of my chattering let’s get to the review!

Violet Voss x Laura Lee Palette $11. 81 (free shipping)

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This beautiful palette came across to me on the Facebook group while I was scrolling down. This was a palette that I really wanted BUT I didn’t have money when it came out, and when I finally did have money it wasn’t being sold anymore.

A lot people gave this product really good reviews, and I gotta say I have to 100% agree with the reviews. This is such a beautiful palette, and the formula is incredible for the price. The colors are actually pigmented, and blending is so easy with these colors!!

THE GLITTER SHADOWS ARE SO BUTTERY AND SO PIGMENTED I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!! I own the Modern Renaissance palette and I like this palette a lot more. I love the color range and I love how you can seriously do so many looks with this palette. I also really like the transition shades in the palette, I think this palette is so good for all skin tones. I think this is a palette for an everyday look and a glam look, I just think this is a good investment for an avid makeup user.

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Here are the swatches of all the colors. I really like the pigmentation, yes it’s not super pigmented but for $11 I say it’s better than what you paid for. And just look at the glitter shadows like come on guys you can’t beat that. I will say though the glitter shadows have some fallout but it’s nothing a makeup wipe can’t clean up.

If you are interested in this palette contact me either here or via my social media. I won’t post the link here mainly because I do not wish to get the seller in any trouble. The seller is incredible and is super transparent so please contact me in private if you want the link.

I hope you guys enjoyed this post and I hope I’ve shined some light on the idea of trying Aliexpress (trust me guys you won’t regret it). Talk to you guys later! ❤

about me · life advice · self help

Where Have I Been Part 2 

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I KNOW I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR A REALLY LONG TIME PLEASE FORGIVE ME I AM SO SORRY.
I know I said I was going on a detox and that really didn’t work. But I thought I would give you guys an update on what’s been going on with me and what I’ve been feeling throughout these couple of days.  Bare with me, I get a bit emotional and really sad, but this is therapeutic for me and I really need to express these feelings so I can move forward in my life.
Being Sick 😦
I haven’t been sick in pretty much forever. I don’t even think I was sick last year at all. But on my one year anniversary, I felt my throat begin to hurt. I didn’t make much of it but it continued to hurt for a while until I finally decided to go to the doctors to get it checked out. They pretty much told me I have a sore throat, and that my nose is so dry that I’ve been bleeding. So I got a nasal spray and treated it like a sore throat. But here I am, my nose is still runny and I have blood in my boogers (sorry for being graphic), my throat still hurts, and I’ve been feeling really drained and sometimes I feel a little dizzy. I might go again to the doctors this week because I’m tired of being sick.
I’ve been feeling like poop and I feel like this has made me super lazy and just unmotivated to do anything. I took blood tests and I don’t need to take my iron supplements anymore, but I feel like maybe my body is having withdraws. That sounds so stupid because I feel like my energy is just gone now.
I also think maybe I’m just being super dramatic and it’s just a bad case of allergies. If anything happens this week and I do go to the doctors I’ll keep you guys posted.
Driving, Oh God
So during my spring break, I did driving classes. It was really fun, and not gonna lie I felt really confident about driving Afterwards I drove my best friend’s car (with her in it) and I felt so free. I don’t know why, but I loved the idea that I could finally work a car, and get from point A to point B. I felt on top of the world, I felt grown up, I felt like I could finally take care of myself. My grandparents, being absolutely kind and just unbelievable gave me my first car. I cried when I got the news, and thought “finally I don’t need to depend on my dad anymore.”
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. My dad started to take me out to drive, and I remembered why I never let my dad help me anymore. He screamed at me the minute I started the car, and as I kept driving he screamed at me and even moved my wheel. The second day I got into an argument with him and it got so bad he turned red. I told him to never teach me how to drive ever. He slammed my car door and we didn’t speak at all. I don’t have a relationship with my dad. He lives with us, but he isn’t involved. It’s confusing, but he and I don’t see eye to eye. I called him dad out of common courtesy but he hasn’t been my father for years.
I can’t practice in my car because it doesn’t have insurance, so I can’t register it. My dad was suppose to put the car under his insurance and I was suppose to go register it, but he hasn’t done it so I think I’ll just get my own car insurance.
My Weight
This has been something I’ve been stressing about for about a year now. I didn’t notice my weight gain until a couple of months ago when I looked at my closet and realized that my wardrobe only consisted of long shirts and pants. It hit me that I became embarrassed of my body shape so much I limited my clothing choice. And I wasn’t like that before, I didn’t have area on my body that had rolls. I didn’t have fat on my stomach, I was thin skinny.
A year ago, I was working out to fit into my prom dress. And when I realized my weight, I came across this picture.
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That was my body when I took care of myself, and I remember how good a felt at that time. I felt beautiful, I felt my best, I felt on top of the world. I still get emotional talking about this because I don’t know why I let myself go. I don’t know why I stopped taking care of myself.  I’ve been trying really hard to get into that habit again but it’s so hard because I look at this picture and I think “I can’t do it. I’m stuck like this for the rest of my life.” I know it’s dumb, I know that I’m dumb for feeling this way, but I have to share this.
I may look confident, I may seem comfortable with myself. But in reality I am disappointed at how I look now. It’s terrible to feel this way, and I really hope that I get myself to work out, and get myself to eat right again. I really want to get out of this funk. I can’t live my life like this anymore. What I mean by that is I don’t want to feel defeated anymore.
I’m sorry for how long this post is, and sorry for the touchy subject. If you’re having issue with weight or body image, we are in this together. We will get through this, and we will learn to love ourself again.
I’ll be back with more makeup looks tomorrow.
Love you all ❤
about me · detox · life advice · self help

Where Have I Been?


I have been away for a while and I’m so sorry for that!!!! Last week was my spring break and I had the opportunity to go to driving school the entire week. I’m 18 years old and I’m barely starting to learn how to drive. It’s been so exciting and so liberating that I’ve been away from social media for a while. 

One thing I learned was that being away from social media is healthy, who knew right? I was enjoying the routine of driving, and feeling more independent than ever. I even began a challenge for myself today, I call it my total detox. 

Here’s my challenge: 

TOTAL BODY DETOX

  • no makeup except for special events
  • drink more water
  • no junk food, cut off all artificial sugar
  • workout at least 3 times a week
  • write everyday 
  • read every day
  • clean out my room 
  • take care of my skin
  • no heat on my hair
  • a youtube video once a week

I hope with this detox I find a new verison of myself that’s stress free and is being more productive!! I challenge you guys to do this with me!! I’ll be writing on here everyday, the a diary so you guys get to know me and how I’m doing and showing you guys my change and how beneficial this detox is!!

Wish me luck!!! ❤