about me · life advice · self help

Where Have I Been Part 2 

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I KNOW I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR A REALLY LONG TIME PLEASE FORGIVE ME I AM SO SORRY.
I know I said I was going on a detox and that really didn’t work. But I thought I would give you guys an update on what’s been going on with me and what I’ve been feeling throughout these couple of days.  Bare with me, I get a bit emotional and really sad, but this is therapeutic for me and I really need to express these feelings so I can move forward in my life.
Being Sick 😦
I haven’t been sick in pretty much forever. I don’t even think I was sick last year at all. But on my one year anniversary, I felt my throat begin to hurt. I didn’t make much of it but it continued to hurt for a while until I finally decided to go to the doctors to get it checked out. They pretty much told me I have a sore throat, and that my nose is so dry that I’ve been bleeding. So I got a nasal spray and treated it like a sore throat. But here I am, my nose is still runny and I have blood in my boogers (sorry for being graphic), my throat still hurts, and I’ve been feeling really drained and sometimes I feel a little dizzy. I might go again to the doctors this week because I’m tired of being sick.
I’ve been feeling like poop and I feel like this has made me super lazy and just unmotivated to do anything. I took blood tests and I don’t need to take my iron supplements anymore, but I feel like maybe my body is having withdraws. That sounds so stupid because I feel like my energy is just gone now.
I also think maybe I’m just being super dramatic and it’s just a bad case of allergies. If anything happens this week and I do go to the doctors I’ll keep you guys posted.
Driving, Oh God
So during my spring break, I did driving classes. It was really fun, and not gonna lie I felt really confident about driving Afterwards I drove my best friend’s car (with her in it) and I felt so free. I don’t know why, but I loved the idea that I could finally work a car, and get from point A to point B. I felt on top of the world, I felt grown up, I felt like I could finally take care of myself. My grandparents, being absolutely kind and just unbelievable gave me my first car. I cried when I got the news, and thought “finally I don’t need to depend on my dad anymore.”
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. My dad started to take me out to drive, and I remembered why I never let my dad help me anymore. He screamed at me the minute I started the car, and as I kept driving he screamed at me and even moved my wheel. The second day I got into an argument with him and it got so bad he turned red. I told him to never teach me how to drive ever. He slammed my car door and we didn’t speak at all. I don’t have a relationship with my dad. He lives with us, but he isn’t involved. It’s confusing, but he and I don’t see eye to eye. I called him dad out of common courtesy but he hasn’t been my father for years.
I can’t practice in my car because it doesn’t have insurance, so I can’t register it. My dad was suppose to put the car under his insurance and I was suppose to go register it, but he hasn’t done it so I think I’ll just get my own car insurance.
My Weight
This has been something I’ve been stressing about for about a year now. I didn’t notice my weight gain until a couple of months ago when I looked at my closet and realized that my wardrobe only consisted of long shirts and pants. It hit me that I became embarrassed of my body shape so much I limited my clothing choice. And I wasn’t like that before, I didn’t have area on my body that had rolls. I didn’t have fat on my stomach, I was thin skinny.
A year ago, I was working out to fit into my prom dress. And when I realized my weight, I came across this picture.
wow
That was my body when I took care of myself, and I remember how good a felt at that time. I felt beautiful, I felt my best, I felt on top of the world. I still get emotional talking about this because I don’t know why I let myself go. I don’t know why I stopped taking care of myself.  I’ve been trying really hard to get into that habit again but it’s so hard because I look at this picture and I think “I can’t do it. I’m stuck like this for the rest of my life.” I know it’s dumb, I know that I’m dumb for feeling this way, but I have to share this.
I may look confident, I may seem comfortable with myself. But in reality I am disappointed at how I look now. It’s terrible to feel this way, and I really hope that I get myself to work out, and get myself to eat right again. I really want to get out of this funk. I can’t live my life like this anymore. What I mean by that is I don’t want to feel defeated anymore.
I’m sorry for how long this post is, and sorry for the touchy subject. If you’re having issue with weight or body image, we are in this together. We will get through this, and we will learn to love ourself again.
I’ll be back with more makeup looks tomorrow.
Love you all ❤
about me · detox · life advice · self help

Where Have I Been?


I have been away for a while and I’m so sorry for that!!!! Last week was my spring break and I had the opportunity to go to driving school the entire week. I’m 18 years old and I’m barely starting to learn how to drive. It’s been so exciting and so liberating that I’ve been away from social media for a while. 

One thing I learned was that being away from social media is healthy, who knew right? I was enjoying the routine of driving, and feeling more independent than ever. I even began a challenge for myself today, I call it my total detox. 

Here’s my challenge: 

TOTAL BODY DETOX

  • no makeup except for special events
  • drink more water
  • no junk food, cut off all artificial sugar
  • workout at least 3 times a week
  • write everyday 
  • read every day
  • clean out my room 
  • take care of my skin
  • no heat on my hair
  • a youtube video once a week

I hope with this detox I find a new verison of myself that’s stress free and is being more productive!! I challenge you guys to do this with me!! I’ll be writing on here everyday, the a diary so you guys get to know me and how I’m doing and showing you guys my change and how beneficial this detox is!!

Wish me luck!!! ❤

dating · online dating · relationship advice · self help

So You Want To Online Date

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Today I’m going to talk about online dating, online dating sites, and why I support people who do this. This isn’t my regular beauty posts, but I wanted to share my thoughts about this, and my experiences I had with online dating and being on an online dating website.

 

If you know me, you know that I have an amazing boyfriend named Jason whom I’ve been with for now a year. You would also know that before high school I had the worst luck with guys. A lot of them either weren’t interested in me, or only interested in having sex with me. I’m not the type of girl to be in something that isn’t long term, so after deciding that the guys at my school aren’t for me, I started looking into guys online. Was that safe? No, and believe me I had my terrible catfish moment which I will save for another post BUT I learned how to find a good quality guy online.

The first thing I learned was the red flags that can lead to a terrible experience. If the person isn’t asking you questions, leave while you still can. When people ask you questions that usually means that they’re interested in you and enjoy talking to you. If you’re talking to someone and they don’t seem enthusiastic to talk to you, leave and know that you deserve someone who is interested in you.

The second thing I learned was if they don’t have pictures of themselves that aren’t posed, you might be encountering a catfish. It’s really easy for people to steal pictures from other people and make an instagram out of it. If you potential bae has an instagram and you have the ability to see it, go through they’re tagged photos!! See if this person is real and has pictures of them from other people. You can also google search the picture and make sure you google search the username to see if any other accounts pop up and there is more evidence that bae is not a catfish.

If they won’t facetime, snapchat, or skype you they’re not real! This is incredibly important, you want to make sure that the person you’re talking to is real, and by facetiming or skyping or snapchatting you’re eliminating the possibility of being catfished. If they say that they don’t want to/ don’t have a laptop/camera doesn’t work, chances are there is something sketchy going.

I was one Tinder for a while, yes Tinder. No, I did not hookup with random people on there. I was on there in the search for love. I matched with people, messaged them, and had my fair share of terrible moments. I came across the guys that just wanted sex, I wanted sex too but meaningful sex from someone I liked not someone who called me exotic (that really happened, someone called me exotic). Being on Tinder has given me some funny stories to tell people, but thanks to Tinder I matched with my boyfriend. Yep, that’s right my boyfriend and I matched on Tinder. It was a very interesting experience, but here we are a year later happy as can be.

When it comes to online dating and online dating sites the one thing you need to remember is to be yourself. Sure you’re dodging the in person communication that you may fear, but who you are online should reflect who you are in the real world. Don’t worry if you’re not “cool” enough for someone, you are super cool and anyone would be lucky to be with you. Remember you’re a dime, you’re super unique and attractive in your own way and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Be cautious, but inviting and always follow your gut. If something seems right go for it, if something seems bad, go back to the drawing board and see what life throws at you.

Good luck! ❤